


The weight of living

by Sacredillusionist



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Cuddling, Five Years Later, Hurt and comfort, M/M, One-Shot, PTSD, Post- time skip, dimileth, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-19 18:37:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20214400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sacredillusionist/pseuds/Sacredillusionist
Summary: When Dimitri first showed up at Byleth’s door, the professor thought he might have found the cure for his insomnia- perhaps he got more than he bargained for.





	The weight of living

Before, Byleth always had Sothis’ soft ethereal glow to comfort him in his sleep when he first moved into the monastery. Losing her had been rough, the feeling of the night felt suffocating without his father. So each night thereon, he lit a candle in her place. It was if he could just close his eyes and pretend the warmth was from the goddess. It was hard to sleep now, the fear he would rest for another five years when he closed his eyes. The fear hollowed out any comforting and feeling set in his heart. 

Watching over Dimitri had become his excuse for his insomnia. The hardship changed him and despite his rough exterior, he somehow felt he was even more breakable. To leave him standing in the remains of the cathedral- staring at the rubble with pained determination, Byleth couldn’t just leave him alone like that. It was slow at first, his subtle regeneration of humanity. There was shame in his eyes, and then all at once, the broken man spilled forth. The guilt and turmoil that was wrapping the princeling so tightly was so clearly suffocating him.

Byleth constantly tried to remind him that he wasn’t alone, that the sins and guilt he decidedly chose to atone for were not just his burdens alone. The first night Dimitri had come to his dorm the Professor was taken by surprise. His hair was disheveled, falling into his face to cover the unmasked damaged eye. His armor and cloak haphazardly thrown on, looking somehow looking both adorable and pathetic in his exhausted state. 

Grabbing his hand he pulled him into the room and shut the door softly, this was the first time he thought he might have found his answer to the lonely darkness. 

It became a pattern, Byleth often found himself waiting up, writing in his journal and going over battle plans waiting for the soft knock on the door that would reveal and sleep-deprived Dimitri. 

Byleth would then help him remove the sloppily put on armor and lead him to the bed where Dimitri would crawl against the wall and watch him work at his desk. 

Byleth had to steel himself for sleeping next to Dimitri. One, because he had grown considerably in the last five years and his bed was barely large enough to fit both of them. Two, whatever horrors that haunted Dimitri still plagued him enough that his sleep was never fitful and more often than not, Byleth woke up in pain. That didn’t stop him though, Byleth would pretend he had been diligently working just a few moments before. As if he wasn’t waiting for Dimitri to arrive at his door. Then he would crawl on to the bed and Dimitri curl up into his chest, his arms secured tightly around his waist. Bleyth would run his fingers through his blonde hair, carefully working any dreaded knots with his fingers waiting for a steady rhythmic breathing. Bleyth would be drifting to sleep himself when he would feel Dimitri’s grip tighten. 

At first it was always just enough to make Byleth adjust his place. But then the grumbling would start and slowly it progressed into something more bone crushing. Dimitri’s arms dug into his sides violently, and despite the healing he would have Ashe do after each episode was never enough to prepare him. Bleyth’s sides were too tender, his body ached, unable to keep out the small yelp. His heart raced as his eyes shot open, fingers wrapping around his shoulders to push him away. Yet that only caused the pain to worsen as he gasped, his back arching from the grapple. It felt like his spine was snapping in half. 

He had to remind himself that this was Dimitri, the beloved prince who had lost so much- the prince with shattered innocence. He had just barely come back from the brink of self destruction. His redemption teetered carefully. How could he do anything to hurt him right now?

A soft angry “no” reverberated against his chest and Bleyth did the only option he felt he had. Huddling closer he refused to pull away. Instead he wrapped himself around the blonde. His arms around his shoulders, his lips kissing the top of his head, shifting his legs to wrap around Dimitri’s waist. He needed to make himself a blanket. He needed to find a way to relieve Dimitri of those horrors. Soft gentle hums rose from his throat as he held him gently, ignoring the pain of his grip. He wasn’t sure what he was singing or where he heard it, perhaps he learned it from the part of him that carried his dear Sothis. 

His mind swam with pain as he pet Dimitri’s hair, stroked his back with gentle lines from his fingers, drawing small comforting swirls with his finger, humming the soft melody. Very slowly the broken prince began to loosen his grip. His chest heaving with a sigh of relief. 

He could crawl away and sleep in one of the barracks, but he couldn’t leave Dimitri. Instead he kissed the princes forehead. 

“Professor…” his words were so soft.

“I’m here.” He promised, in the dark he could make out a sleepy pained eye looked up at him, glassy from the nightmare. 

“You’re the only one that doesn’t haunt me.” He told him, burying his face into his collarbone to press a soft kiss. “I was so foolish in my youth, to look at you with so much adoration. I thought… I thought I could protect you, but just like them- I let you die.” His words were broken. Bleyth recalled the first time he’d seen Dimitri again, huddled and covered in blood, mistaking him for a phantom. 

“I’m alive.” He promised grabbing his cheeks forcing him to look in his eyes. The empty blue eye couldn’t comprehend his words. “I’m here, you foolish loving prince- come back to me.” He uttered the words and pressed a small kiss to his lips. 

A kiss from the past- the bright eyed prince who believed in finding peace in the burning fires of war, would have been soft. A very gentle kiss one that Bleyth could lean into as he grabbed his face, one that placed them in the wishing tower. They would break apart and Bleyth would see the light in his eyes and the sweet smile that could move his heart. 

But Dimitri had changed- they had changed. This kiss was a demand. It was the insatiable hunger that had been denied to a man who suffered enough for many life times. There was nothing gentle around it. The way he closed any and all distance, not so subtly reminding him of the pain from his death grip. Bleyth’s fingers were in his hair gentle tugs at the nape of his neck, pulling his head back so kissing him was earlier. Dimitri bit down on his lip, moving to kiss his jaw his neck his collar, anywhere and everywhere. It was like this Dimitri wanted to consume him. 

_And he was more than willing to oblige _

Yet when Dimitri moved his hands to grip his waist and shift their positions Bleyth couldn’t stop the pained noise that escaped from him. The noise seemed to break his focus as blonde strands of hair tickled his face. 

“You’re in pain.” It wasn’t a question. Bleyth refused to speak. This was his guarded secret. “Answer me.” He demanded, a hard edge in his voice. He refused to speak- Dimitri didn’t frighten him as he may the others. “Speak!” He raised his voice more this time yet Bleyth didn’t budge, they stared at each other in silence both to stubborn to respond. “Please.” The word was so quiet he almost didn’t catch it. Resigned, he moved to stand up, striding towards the door. Bleyth had little time to react as he reached for the door and roughly yanked it open, practically ripping it from its rusted hinges. 

Panicked Bleyth sat up summoning his magic as a sigil lit up the room around him, the smell of summer and cut grass as the wind gusted forward and slammed into the door, slamming it shut and shaking the entire fragile frame of the room.

“Dimitri…” He said his name now. A strict tone, something you’d expect from a teacher. “You’re not going anywhere right now.”

“You think you could stop me?” A dark laugh erupted, he could see his shoulders shaking with amusement. “Let me go, Professor.” He reached for the door again but Bleyth summoned another spell and slammed into the door again. The support beams in the ceiling shook, wasn’t sure if the room could take another gust.

“You’re not dismissed.” He responded stoically, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Don’t start trying to treat me like one of your students again- we are past this.” He warned, turning to look at him. Almost immediately he began to pace, treading on the creaking wood as Bleyth watched. 

“You’ll always be my student.” He reminded him.

“Can’t you just treat me as an equal once?” He snapped at him. Bleyth let out a sigh and moved to sit down on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. He didn’t want to say anything to make the situation worse. “Of course, you were never one for words.” He paused his pacing in front of Bleyth. “I should have had more self control, staying by my side is going to destroy you as it has done to everyone else.” Dimitri fell to his knees making Bleyth looked up in surprise- his heart stop. He looked so broken that it knocked his breath from his lungs. “Just smile the way you used to- how radiant I remember it to be. Smile for me Bleyth- give me some reason to crave the happiness I do not deserve.” Bleyth frowned instead, reaching out he placed a hand on each cheek, how could explain it to him? How could he show that If anyone deserved happiness, it was Dimitri. 

“Seeing you succeed and heal will make me smile.” He finally spoke. “Recover, and I will smile. You are not alone anymore.” He promised. 

“What if you perished as all the others I’ve loved have?”

“Don’t forget who taught you everything you know. I am not so easy to kill. Even by your hands. I am still your professor.” 

“Don’t say that.” His words were sharp, but somehow playful- as if he was finally relaxing. 

“Why so?” He finally moved to lay next to him, staring at each other as Dimitri held is hand. 

“Then I have to think about my pathetic school boy crush on my professor.” He grumbled. Bleyth was too amused to respond. “You were the shiny new sword everyone wanted to hold in the academy. I was just simply the first in line.” Bleyth chuckled now. Pressing a kiss to his nose. 

“No I believe Sylvain was first in line.” He added as they both broke into a small fit of laughter. 

“Is it really okay? To joke and laugh as we are- after all the pain I’ve caused?” He asked.

“Use the guilt as a lesson to change not as a source of destruction. The weight you feel is fuel to become what you want to see in the world, not to beg ghosts for forgiveness.” 

“Right.” He nodded. Bleyth curled up against Dimitri’s chest now, in this position he couldn’t crush him so easily. They would find a way to sleep fitfully together.


End file.
